Isolation Tests Purpose

The cost of ostracism was real, financially and emotionally. In addition to all the private conversations painting us as the bad guys for taking a moral stand, the individual who actually told those ladies that he wouldn’t help them unless they slept with him got down right nasty about us in front of several hundred people at an event in Johnson City, TN. Not only were so many of the folks we thought were close friends in the room, our newly married daughter was there with her husband as was our teenage son.

Earlier I mentioned the very primal urge to “absolutely pummel that character-less piece of shit” when Cindy shared the issue with me initially. I allowed self-control to have a place then, but it was far more difficult that night in Tennessee. Had I not nurtured so many previous adversities to strengthen my self-control, I’m not sure how that would have unfolded. If I’m being honest, I’ve learned that my best option where that person is involved, even more than a decade removed, is keeping my distance. If he’s not in arm’s reach, the pummeling is less likely to occur.

The same guy had frequently picked on Matt long before any of this unfolded. Interestingly enough, most of that occurred when I wasn’t nearby. For the first few years of it, Matt was young and tolerated it. As Matt grew and as he developed a love for wrestling (not ‘rastlin’), his tolerance waned. Matt was a bit of a handful then and our relationship was rocky at best. (Praise God, it’s nothing short of amazing today!) That said, he’s never wavered even slightly in his loyalty to me and Cindy. It was all I could do to keep him from tackling that jackass in front of everyone there.

Professional setbacks don’t stay professional, especially when many of those involved are not. The relational fallout spilled into our family faster than I ever expected. The clear purpose we had built and leaned on through the most intense times of scarcity wasn’t just reinforced here; it grew stronger. This particular setback tested every leadership attribute I had been working to develop to that point. It also taught me a powerful lesson best summed up in the phrase, “When people show you who they are, believe them.” A bunch of them did, and I’ve believed them ever since.

That scenario did, however, provide me and Cindy with the opportunity to lean into several areas where we did have complete control, and that served as seeds of future cooperative growth. In many bad situations, it can be tough to look for or find the seed of equal or greater opportunity. This one was so hard, we had no other choice but to search with every fiber of our being, every step of the way.

As we navigated that mess, we were successful in earning influence silently - all while that fiery darts kept coming at us. Before we do, I’ll challenge you to think about a time where a professional value struggle spilled into another area of your life. Jot down how you handled it then and what lesson you learned from it - and any new lesson you can pull from it now.