Building Trust Through Self-Worth

I don’t think there’s been a topic we’ve worked through in this look at Leveraging Leadership Growth that hasn’t tied back to trust; finding a mentor, having candid conversations, maximizing the return on investment in relationships, mentoring others, displaying humility, and definitely with earning influence. Before we stand a chance at being received even remotely well when asserting our value with courage, there had better be a solid foundation of trust - both ways. Otherwise, humility goes out the door and any hope of finding validation through measurable results goes with it.

Before I could have had any of the opportunities I mentioned before, or even the conversations leading to them, I had to earn a level of trust with each of the potential employers I approached - be that within the same company or with the clients who hire us today - through my work. And to get right down to it, I’ve never seen someone consistently deliver the kind of results necessary to earn enough trust that a decision-maker will take a chance on them without knowing their own worth well enough to perform with absolute confidence. Had I approached my corporate safety director about supporting our sites across North America in late 2001 rather than 2003, I doubt he would have even acknowledged the idea; I was little more than an entry on a long list of names he received monthly reports from and I hadn’t produced enough results to yield any substantial validation. But two years later, it was a very different scenario.

While it’s crucial that we build trust with those we support - whether that’s with our clients, the executives we report to, those who report to us, or the people we mentor along the way - knowing our worth is essential for building trust in others too. Before I could ever so much as consider making a case for the value I could offer in any situation, I had to appreciate my own strengths enough to believe that value was really there. For me, that confidence has always come from realizing that, although I may not be the smartest or most talented, I’m willing to consistently out work nearly everyone around me. Early on, I struggled with stating that confidently but today I’m very willing to say so - with humility.

The results we achieve, through our repeated actions, earn trust (or sacrifice it) with others around us. In The Values Advantage, I quoted a friend I worked with for nearly two decades who routinely said, “A mouth will say anything.” When we were co-workers, that was usually directed at someone reporting to him who had made up an unbelievable excuse for some kind of BS they were attempting to get away with. Now that he’s retired, he occasionally weaves the phrase into social media rants calling out politicians for saying one thing and doing another. To have any shot of earning trust through our actions, and the results we achieve through those actions, others will be watching to see if our words match our deeds.

With all that in mind, trust is not a one-way street. If I wouldn’t have trusted that corporate safety director all those years ago, there’s no chance I would have believed enough in the value I could offer to approach him with my idea. We all deal with people in positions of authority each day; some who have earned our implicit trust and others who we wouldn’t believe what they had for breakfast even if we smelled it on their breath. Cindy and I have learned, often painfully, to listen to what someone says but only trust what they do. When we’ve earned someone’s trust and they’ve proven we can trust them, the relationship grows from a secure sense of self-worth, fostering mutual respect - which is where we’ll pick up next time.