Uncovering Your Hidden Strengths

To lead with influence over authority, to fully utilize the strength of humility, to ever begin to develop others, or to even capture the slightest return on investment from our relationships, we’ve got to realize that we are indeed capable and worthy of all those things. Without knowing your worth, it’s not humility; it’s self-depreciation. Make no mistake, this isn’t me accusing you of anything - although I’d bet the shoe often fits. The only way I can possibly address this in detail is by being completely transparent about how much I’ve struggled to accept my own worth, and how it remains a constant battle still today.

As we’ve worked through each aspect of leveraging leadership growth, looking at the strength we can each gain through great professional relationships, I’ve mentioned barely graduating high school a few times, as well as how I’ve never felt all that talented in any one thing. I had a few friends that were my age growing up, but the ones I hung out with the most were at least a few years old. Being younger, smaller, slower, weaker, and just plain behind all of them in so many ways meant I was always trying to keep up. That also left me frequently being the one who got picked on the most. Today, that would likely be called bullying - but I genuinely believe most of it boiled down to kids being kids. That said, there were a handful who were just plain assholes and they never really grew out of it. (Be honest, you just pictured someone’s face didn’t you!)

Several times to this point, I’ve referenced the strong work ethic I developed in my early teens. While I had to apply every bit of that in the jobs I held, like when I rode my bike to and from a construction site each day and tried to keep pace with grown men in hundred degree heat, that same approach carried over into all the other shenanigans I engaged in. That work ethic eventually earned me respect with my peers, even when I couldn’t quite keep up, and their respect helped build my confidence over time. Even without being the biggest or the best, I realized that consistent grit and determination would help me get results a lazy person with great talent would likely never achieve.

While it took years, that drive to outwork most everyone around me eventually allowed me to feel almost comfortable interacting with people who I had previously seen as untouchable. Regardless of how long it takes, recognizing your unique strengths builds a foundation for confident relationships. Thankfully, some of the first professional relationships I was able to build opened the door to guidance I didn’t even know I needed. It was still up to me to reflect on it, though. Before we dig into that, I’ll challenge you to identify one of your hidden strengths and share it with a trusted peer for feedback. (You’re welcome to share it with me if you like…)

Reflecting Through Guidance

Coming to terms with my own worth and uncovering my hidden strengths have likely been the biggest challenges I’ve had to work through in my career, maybe in my entire life. My work ethic and drive to keep up as best I could regardless of who I was competing against certainly helped offset some of my self-imposed inadequacies but it’s been a constant battle to develop an appropriate level of pride and ownership of even the things I do well; I routinely downplay the work involved in having multiple books hit #1 on Amazon’s Best Seller List. As much strength as there is in humility, we’re not being humble if we’re unwilling to accept the impact or significance of what we offer. That’s belittling a gift God’s blessed us with and I’m as guilty of that as anyone I know.

You may know some of my backstory, but here’s the “Reader’s Digest” version just in case… I didn’t struggle in school, I was just bored. I hated sitting still (and do to this day) so reading the required books and writing papers on random topics never held my attention. Math was easy, science annoyed me. I was only on a few sports teams and didn’t have enough involvement to develop any skill to speak of. I squeaked through high school, barely, but poured myself into the areas I found fulfillment from: work and an assortment of other crap I had no business being around. I hit community college with a stick before deciding I could make nearly as much money operating a press in a factory as I could in the field I was considering without racking up student loans.

I’ll bet you can think of dozens of people who fit that same mold. Just a few years into that factory career, though, I found myself in those roles I’ve mentioned several times already, providing direction and feedback to people much older and with significantly more prestige. To this day, I feel some level of inadequacy routinely. In early 2019, I had an opportunity to make a proposal to provide services for a large, global petroleum company. The work would have involved traveling to an offshore drilling platform in the North Atlantic for a week at a time over the course of a few months, which would have required me to complete a cold-water helicopter crash survival simulation beforehand. I spoke with two mentors prior to submitting the proposal, both of which strongly suggested a rate substantially higher than I could imagine. My final proposal included fifteen days on the platform plus a day of travel to and from for each of the three trips. The final number I proposed, for 21 days away from home, was more than half the highest annual salary I ever received in a full time role. That said, it was still well below what either mentor suggested and so low for the work I would have been doing that the organization didn’t take it seriously. 

Opportunity lost? Maybe… Lesson learned? Kind of… Connecting the dots on how to put an appropriate value on any of the services we provide has been one of the most difficult things I’ve ever done. From the bottom of my heart, I still feel like so much of what I do is incredibly basic. Throughout my career, though, be it during my time in behavior-based safety, human resources, or now speaking to and training leaders across the United States, I’ve been blessed with numerous seasoned professionals in each field who continue to provide me with input on the value I offer and the potential I hold for having a positive impact on the people I serve. As with so many other amazing people I’ve known, learning to shed that feeling of inadequacy and replacing it with the healthy balance of humility and confidence we looked at before has been hard. I’ve found that reflecting on the guidance we receive from external perspectives can reveal our worth, reducing (at least some) insecurity in interactions. Even then, though, we’ll need to truly embrace our distinct voice.

Embracing Your Distinct Voice

Before we dive headfirst into the importance of (and steps for) taking ownership of the irreplaceable value we can each add to the people we serve, I want you to take time to consider a specific strength you have but are likely overlooking. Since so many of us struggle with this, you may want to seek feedback from a mentor or colleague - then take ownership of what they’ve shared!

Now, let’s dive in! Starting in late 1999, immediately after first experiencing the fear of sharing a message with a group of peers without seeing them through beer googles, I looked for every opportunity I could find to observe other people speaking in anything resembling a public setting. I paid attention to their message, but I was far more focused on how they delivered it; their mannerisms, their tone, and even how they wove in any tidbits their audience could connect with. I sat in on the 90 minute session where Terry covered the “ABCs of Behavioral Analysis” almost every week for close to two years. In early 2001, I heard John Maxwell speak (on cassette tape) for the first time and took every opportunity I could find over the next decade to study his work, in any format I was able to get my hands on. While those were the most frequent examples I had to study, there were dozens - possibly hundreds - of others who I watched and analyzed. As I worked to become more confident presenting in front of groups, I did all I could to mimic things I had seen Terry and John do that appeared to be received well with their audiences. The reality, though, was that I’d never be more than a second rate Terry Ward or John Maxwell, and even that was a long shot. To have the most impact possible, I had to identify and embrace the unique voice that only I could offer.

Some of the best feedback Cindy and I receive today comes from how the groups we interact with relate to our message, largely because we’ve been where they are and understand so much of what they deal with day to day. That said, I’m keenly aware that my extremely DIRECT approach puts some folks on edge. While my overall intent is never to shine a negative spotlight on even the ones who deserve it most, there are plenty of times that even an anonymous example steps on toes. Revelations 3:16 says, “So because you are lukewarm, and neither hot or cold, I am going to vomit you out of my mouth.” (BibleGateway.com lists the various translations and details lukewarm as “spiritually useless”.) Without getting too spiritual, I will make a case for how important it is for each of us to embrace our most closely held beliefs, avoiding the urge to toe a line that would hopefully please everyone; that just won’t happen.

It’s taken me more than two decades to fully embrace my unique voice and recognize the irreplaceable value it can add, be that in conversations with our closest associates or in large group settings. However, I’m also very aware that my direct approach can push some away. Through a lot of life experience and some powerful feedback from trusted mentors, I’ve learned that being either hot or cold will inevitably ruffle a few feathers. But being lukewarm secularly is effectively riding the fence of perpetual mediocrity. More than a decade ago, a team member told me how nice they thought a manager we both worked with was. That same team member had frequently expressed frustration about that manager for not providing answers to their concerns. The manager usually acknowledged the concerns, they just wouldn’t pick a side. In doing so, everyone involved felt slighted. 

Far too often, and certainly in my case over the years, we shy away from fully embracing our distinct voice out of concern that we’ll step on toes. That can certainly happen, but don’t underestimate how much your distinct contributions add irreplaceable value to the professional bonds you’re building. There are people who need to hear a message from your perspective. I’m sure other people told me some of the same things I’ve learned from Terry Ward, but his message sunk in. I’m just as sure that very little I share is new or unique, but there are times where I can deliver it in a way that connects with someone in a way that others didn’t. 

Embracing your distinct voice will require you to break free from self-doubt. And trust me, that’s hard. But it’s also doable and we’ll work through how it can be done next. Until then, think about how you can begin using a unique skill you bring to the table in some sort of team project that asserts your worth; not out of arrogance or to establish control. Remember the strength of humility in the process.