The Ripple Effects Impact All Aspects of Life

During a session with John Maxwell a few years ago, I heard him share the approach he frequently took when any group he was part of had an idea that concerned him. Rather than squashing the idea outright, he would gently suggest that those most interested for a committee to analyze all the details for a successful rollout. His lesson was that if you need a task completed quickly, assign it to an individual (or even a few individuals); committees are where ideas are often sent to die. Hearing John detail that took me right back to the committee Matt’s teacher and principal formed all those years prior. I can’t point to a single thing they accomplished other than blaming a small child for all the misfortunes in their lives - and in what ended up being the only time I was invited to sit in, I was very specific in telling them so.

Cindy and I were already spinning all the plates we thought we possibly could. Adding neurology appointments into the mix not only required time we had little of, it brought an emotional burden neither of us had experienced. Dealing with your own health issue can be a heavy burden, but seeing your child deal with one is exponentially concerning. That’s where any illusion of control is removed…

While our careers were progressing, neither of us had an abundance of paid time off built up with our respective employers. The appointments - with doctors and with the school - were sucking up what little we had. Eventually, Cindy opted to move into a quasi-parttime capacity. She maintained the same title and responsibilities, but that change provided her flexibility in weeks where she couldn’t get in her full 40 hours. That allowed her to be present for Matt, which was a tremendous blessing, but it didn’t help our already tight finances. 

Soon after that, we decided to move Matt from the public school that had been our last nerve for quite some time to a private school, hoping the change would provide him with more one-on-one attention. That came with its own set of challenges. The teachers were wonderful. The price tag, however, was less than wonderful and we had to provide his transportation. Cindy’s job flexibility made that possible, but it cut into her hours - which had an immediate impact on our income that was already stretched very thin. I remember getting a call from her one extremely foggy morning, letting me know that they had been in a minor accident. Praise God they were okay, although the car we had recently bought for under $1,000 was not. And I had no idea what we could do about it.

Earlier, I shared about the illusion of “fine,” detailing how mediocrity can masquerade as stability. Truth be told, that illusion of “fine” is in no way limited to mediocrity. Our careers seemed to be progressing as well as we could have hoped. But toss the other stressors in the mix - financial pressure, concerns for our kids, a very tight schedule, and still being newly weds - and the ripple effects were indeed impacting all aspects of our lives. Family adversity tests self-control and responsibility; owning our role prevents resentment and unlocks cooperative growth. We didn’t realize it at the time, but that also served as valuable seeds to other greater benefits we’d uncover down the road. In the moment, it helped me learn how sympathy grows in the trenches. We’ll pick up there next. First, I’ll challenge you to consider how you’ve experienced family struggles spilling over into your professional life and consider how that perspective could help you be more empathetic with the team you lead.