Self-Control and a Pleasing Personality in Chaos

Nearly every time Cindy and I help a group learn to understand the science backing the DISC Model of Human Behavior, I explain how my behavior and communication changes from a heavy focus on results with a solid mix of fun and attention to detail when things going smoothly to full-on results when the stuff hits the fan. At that point, I don’t much care whether anyone has fun or if anything is accurate - as long as we get something done. I also share that I’m never really that patient. While I tell that story (somewhat) in jest, it captures the essence of how I’m wired on cruise control and how that changes when I’m under stress. I always add to all that by saying that I’d get a tremendous amount of work done if I were in business by myself; with Cindy as my business partner, though, there’s a chance that work will be correct and a chance people will actually like it.

Make no mistake, the eighteen months that followed March 11, 2020 (when that first call came through postponing the work we had put so much energy into getting booked in the first place) brought an ever-increasing amount of stress. My natural inclination would have been to push through every barrier that got in our way, details, feelings, and government mandates be damned! By then, though, Cindy and I had around fifteen years of studying Napoleon Hill’s leadership attributes under our belts. While it certainly wasn’t easy, we had a foundation for applying the second - self-control - when it mattered most. And quite honestly, each adversity we had lived through leading up to that helped prepare us. A more difficult attribute to practice, especially under the stress that comes when you’re self employed and prohibited from doing the work you get paid to do, was maintaining a pleasing personality - Hill’s seventh leadership attribute.

He defined that by saying “No slovenly, careless person can become a successful leader. Leadership calls for respect. Followers will not respect a leader who does not grade high on all the factors of a pleasing personality.” I wouldn’t have chosen “slovenly” to describe myself, but I am more than capable of becoming careless under stress. By exhibiting a bit of self-control, allowing Cindy’s C/SD behavioral style blend to guide me when I needed it most, I was (usually) able to fend off my carelessness and minimize the gruff tone I used with anyone just outside of my mandatory six-foot bubble.

For clarity here, a pleasing personality isn’t forced cheerfulness—it’s the disciplined choice to remain approachable, optimistic, and service-oriented when everything feels bleak. We sent two (maybe three) invoices in the last six months of 2020. This was a 180 degree turn from where we thought we were headed on March 10, and that was about as bleak a picture as we had seen to that point in our business. Even the annual event we had hosted for five years took a wildly different shape. We’ll work through a few of the challenges that brought our way as well as the seeds we pulled from them next. Before we do, I want you to consider how you’ve been able to apply the leadership attributes I mentioned here, self-control and a pleasing personality, especially when you were faced with a major disruption. What seed of great relational influence might still be hidden? Detail one small nurturing action you can put in place to take full advantage of the greater benefit inside it?