Fostering Mutual Respect

For more than two and half decades, Cindy and I have worked incredibly hard at coming to terms with our worth and overcoming self-imposed limits. We’ve each approached the process a bit differently but praise God we’ve been able to do it together. That said, there have been plenty of times where we’ve placed our trust in others too soon and that’s bitten our backsides. I won’t speak for Cindy, but my self-worth took a hit many of those times. By consistently pressing through all that, though, the confidence we’ve developed in our worth has helped cultivate many incredible, mutually respectful relationships.

As we looked at turning relationships into measurable leadership growth, I mentioned how uncomfortable I initially felt when Chris Rollins invited us to contribute a chapter to his book detailing practical approaches for building the DISC Model of Human Behavior into an organizational culture. Chris had been an invaluable mentor for several years at that point and it seemed like all the others participating in the project were far more qualified. Fear be damned, I jumped at the chance. I worked to support Chris through every step of the process and I learned more along the way than I could have imagined. I can say with confidence that I still gain more from our interaction than Chris gets in return, but helping him throughout that project served as a starting point for me to be able to reciprocate - at least some - of the value he’s added in my life. Today, I’m extremely thankful for the mutually respectful relationship we’ve built.

For the first few years after starting Dove Development & Consulting, I jumped at nearly every opportunity I could find to talk about or train on leadership with anyone who would hold still - and some who wouldn’t. During that time, I continued juggling some human resource and safety support for a few local companies. I was established in the HR and safety space so I had no trouble with providing guidance related to either confidently, and sometimes I was able to balance that confidence with humility. With the leadership focus, however, I struggled to find my worth. While I had a solid track record of helping coworkers develop leadership skills, with many of them earning significant promotions along the way, I had a much harder time embracing my distinct voice as I worked to position that as our primary business focus. By not completely trusting my own worth enough in that space then, I can list several situations where I didn’t earn trust from those I was attempting to serve. Fast forward more than a decade, with some amazing experiences now under our belts, the level of confidence in the value we offer each organization we serve has grown exponentially and that, too, has resulted in the cultivation of mutually respectful relationships.

In his piece introducing The Values Advantage, Craig Johnson shares how our first in-person meeting was at The Sub Station Mexican Grill, a remodeled Waffle House building just a few miles from our home.The owners of the restaurant are dears friends to me and Cindy so we love taking friends there for the first time. It’s since been (heavily) remodeled but back then it still looked like you could expect greasy hash browns and have a significant chance of throwing hands with someone in the building, even if it was a waitress. I remember the guy who connected us with the Johnson's being appalled when he heard I suggested that as a location to meet them for the first time. Craig had recently stepped away from serving as CEO and chairman of the board for a company doing close to a billion in annual revenue. That fellow suggested a location much more posh. I countered by saying that if Craig was turned off by the location, I was highly doubtful that he’d be impressed with anything else I offered. By that time, I had a solid grasp on my self-worth - regardless of how successful the client was in their own space. Not only did that confidence cultivate a mutually respectful relationship, the Johnson's have become some of our best friends since. And today, Craig and Kim have entrusted us with providing leadership resources and mentorship to their entire management team, including their children who are actively involved in their rapidly growing family business.

The trust we’ve developed through establishing self-worth, both in ourselves and with each client we serve, has been crucial in creating each of the mutually respectful relationships I’ve shared here - and so many more! We’ll wrap this all up with a quick look at how uncovering our hidden strengths can lead to crafting a lasting influence. Before that though, I’ll challenge you to identify a relationship that you can improve by constructively affirming your value.