When Care Becomes Concern

Each adversity I’ve walked through to this point has been sequential. Truth be told, that’s how life works: a series of highs and lows that we each work through. If we’re intentional about identifying and nurturing any possible seed from each adversity, we have a strong shot at making sure each high is a little higher and each low is less of a dip - even when the actual issue we’re dealing with is more significant than any previous one. Detailing how global disruptions forced us to adapt to some unforeseeable situations was very specific to some of the business challenges we encountered through 2020 and 2021. That said, there were plenty to work through in our personal lives as well, some of which spilled directly into business relationships. Like everything else I’ve shared through this process, though, I know I’m not alone; I have no doubt the issues you worked through during that period were at least as significant. My goal with this isn’t to commiserate with you on who was dealt a worse hand, but to do everything I possibly can to help you pull any seed from that period that may still be hidden.

I shared earlier than just and Cindy and I were embracing some of the biggest leaps we had ever made in our careers, and working through the process of an institutional battle that seemed simply overwhelming at the time, several of our family members were going through health challenges. Cindy’s mom’s cancer diagnosis and my grandmother’s fall that fractured several vertebrae. As I mentioned, Cindy’s mom passed away just six months after. Granny progressed, but was never able to return to her “home” apartment in independent living where she had been for close to twenty years. When she left the rehab facility, we moved her into a newly opened complete care facility. It was on the same campus, but at the opposite end from where she had been and she had far less autonomy.

The first two years were reasonable, but carried a hefty price tag. Despite the fall and broken vertebrae, she was eventually able to get around with a walker - but still needed assistance more than she ever had before. By late 2019, though, her mobility had declined significantly. Through all of that, Cindy and I were able to visit several times each week, and my mom was there almost daily. In late 2019, we showed up one afternoon to find her with two black eyes from a fall. We questioned it and learned that the staff had notified my mom, who was listed as the primary point of contact, but didn’t necessarily provide her with all the details they should have given the significance. We gave them the benefit of the doubt, while paying very close attention from that point forward.

In the final months of 2019 and the first couple of months of 2020 - until we were barred from going into the facility due to Covid regulations - Granny’s falls became more frequent; more than 20 in a three-month period (and I’ll circle back to that soon). By then, we were communicating with the facility staff daily. We discussed care plans and every other detail you can imagine. Cindy’s time in business development in that industry provided a critical understanding for what we could expect and a detailed knowledge of the state regulations that staff was mandated to abide by.

In one of the final times we were able to visit but the shutdowns began, Granny’s care plan was left open on her bed. In reviewing it, Cindy found several falls documented that had not been reported to us or my mom; a blatant regulation violation. More on that next. Even after going through some incredibly challenging experiences, and surviving them, bad situations can surface as quiet deterioration in systems that claim to protect the vulnerable. That’s where what we saw as neglect met strong advocacy. Before we dig into that, think about a time you first sensed something was wrong in a care or protective system. What emotions did that trigger and what was one early warning sign you may have minimized?