Structuring Candid Feedback

Early on, I emphasized how valuable it’s been for me to have close to a dozen people in my life at this point who I can count on for something called “Alliance Feedback,” helping me harness the power of candid conversations. In addition to detailing how I’ve benefited from receiving that alliance feedback from mentors as well as several clients we’ve built strong relationships with today, I also shared how I’ve seen far too many in leadership roles who avoid this kind of candid feedback at all costs.

Make no mistake, our framework for relational leadership will never withstand the weight we need it to unless the foundation is built on trust. Without that foundation of trust in place, though, even the best intended candid feedback can fall on deaf ears. If genuine trust hasn’t been established, it’s much more likely to come across as the dreaded “constructive criticism” than anything resembling an alliance. The folks I’ve seen work the hardest to avoid candid feedback of any kind, they’ve also been the ones who had little trust that anyone else would have their best interests in mind - usually because they always have an angle of their own when providing feedback to the people around them.

Throughout my life, and certainly over the course of my professional career, the feedback I’ve gotten the most from has been from those who have indeed earned my trust and have been intentional about structuring that feedback so I could digest it. Some of that structure ties to delivering the feedback the way my fast-paced and task-oriented communication style processes information (based on “The Platinum Rule” if you will) but connecting that feedback to a clear purpose has been equally helpful.

I share the story about Terry telling me I was fat in jest. Not only did he precede that by saying just how proud he was of everything he’d seen us do in the years leading up to our conversation, he followed that very candid comment by explaining exactly why he made it; he shared his concern for my long term health and the perception many of our potential clients could have if I allowed my weight to continue climbing. Not only did structuring that candid feedback build on the alliance he and I had built through the two decades prior, it strengthened the relational structure we had in place.

Having provided mentorship for many other leaders myself at this point, I’m beginning to understand how tough it’s been for Terry to be so candid with me over the years. His willingness to do it, though, continues to provide me with an example to hopefully live up to. Structured feedback definitely enhances relational leadership, but we’ll never get the full value without having diverse thought built into our framework - and our relationships. We’ll pick up with that next. Until then, think about how you can work to provide more structure in any feedback you offer, building alliances instead giving “constructive criticism”...