Laying the Relational Foundation

I’ve woven the importance of trust, in one way or another, into every aspect we’ve worked through for leveraging leadership growth. That said, I’m still not sure I’ve done enough to stress how crucial it really is. We’ve all heard the saying, “We do business with people we know, like, and trust.” As accurate as that is, it doesn’t tell the whole story.

In studying the science backing the DISC Model of Human Behavior, I’ve learned that this statement is spot-on for about two-thirds of the population. Those who are more people-oriented will typically need to like someone before they can trust them. For the remaining third of us who are more task-oriented, we may never like someone unless we can first trust them. While that may seem like simple semantics, the subtle difference matters. In fact, I struggled with this so much over the years that I thought something was inherently wrong with me.

Just after starting my last full time role as a human resources and safety manager for a commercial contractor, I remember a ten-minute ride to lunch with the company’s insurance agent. He knew I had worked closely with a competitor and during the drive to the restaurant, he made at least three inaccurate statements about the company as a whole and the people I had interacted with directly. He made one more just as we sat down at our table. As the waiter stepped up to get our drink order, I told the agent that I was going to have a really tough time working with him since he had told several things I knew to be untrue in just the first fifteen minutes I had known him. To say that put him on edge for the remainder of our meal and through each interaction we had moving forward is a bit of an understatement. I learned to tolerate him while I was in that role, but I was never able to force myself to like him. I started a deep-dive into studying The Model of Human Behavior a few months later and was relieved to learn that I wasn’t just some unreasonable asshole; everyone who’s more task-oriented struggles to like someone they don’t trust. For what it’s worth, I interacted with that agent heavily through the 24 months that followed and he only proved that initial impression correct…

With that in mind, think about the suggestions my friend and I gave the young man who asked for our advice: “Show up” and “Give a shit.” If we attempt to bake a cake and skip any single ingredient, we can’t expect the outcome to look (or taste) anything like the picture on the box. Although we only gave that young man two very concise ingredients, doing one without the other would not produce the results we knew to be possible - or the results he was after. And without doing both with a completely genuine spirit, there’s little chance of achieving the like or trust necessary to earn a long-term business relationship.

A strong relational foundation is essential for leadership (and every other relationship). As with building any kind of structure we need to last over the long haul, trust is a must have as we start creating a framework for relational leadership. Only then do we have a solid place to work from in structuring candid feedback. Before we look at that, though, think about one opportunity you have to build more trust in a critical relationship.