It Starts with Listening

How often have you experienced someone listening to respond (read: recognize when they get to respond) rather than listening to genuinely understand what’s being shared with them? While they do indeed respond immediately, that has nothing to do with The Art of Responsiveness that we’re working through together here. In fact, there’s rarely much actual listening involved when we’re only focused on when it will be our turn to speak and what we’ll say in our reply. Without listening as the foundation, there’s little chance the response we offer will be anything close to artful.

I dedicated the second part of Leading With A Clear Purpose to sharing steps leaders could apply to recognize the purpose driving each of their team members and to help those team members connect their individual purpose back to the purpose of the organization as a whole. The second chapter in the section, titled “Recognizing THEIR Purpose,” worked through the importance of recognizing and understanding how each person looking to us for leadership communicates. By learning how they’re uniquely wired, through the patterns we observe in their behavior and the words we hear them say, we can gain exponentially more context for the things that are most meaningful to them as individuals. The following chapter, “Providing a Clear Picture of Their Purpose,” provided specifics for practicing what Cindy and I refer to as “The Platinum Rule”: Communicate with others as they NEED us to communicate with them. By listening carefully to what someone shares with us and by observing their approach, we can tailor our message so they’re most likely to receive it - and benefit from it.

When we carry leadership responsibility, every message we share matters. If we reply to push a self-serving message without listening intently to understand exactly where our team member is coming from or the concern they’re expressing, we won’t earn influence, there’s not much chance of actually developing them through the process, and we won’t be building the kind of relationship that leads to alliance feedback.

Every strong relationship I have today - be that with clients we serve, mentors we look to for support, or just friends we spend time with - has been built on the art of responsiveness. Listening closely to understand exactly what’s being said in each exchange has been the foundation for those relationships. Being familiar with each person’s communication style blend has drastically improved how I comprehend the message they’re sharing. And knowing how to provide a response that meets their individual needs allows me to not just blurt out an answer, but to ensure what I share serves them in that moment.

The timeliness of our response is a tell-tail sign of how much value we place on the other person (whether that’s our intent or not), but how we craft our response plays a critical role in the way it's received. Responding to general conversation (in-person, text, email, etc.) can be difficult enough. Responding to feedback, especially when it’s closer to being constructive criticism than the Alliance Feedback we should all be working toward, is even tougher so we’ll dig into that next. Until then, I’ll challenge you to practice active listening in at least one conversation within the next 24 hours. Be intentional to pick up on the words used, the context behind them, and the communication style of the person you’re interacting with. (If you’re not completely familiar with how to recognize their primary communication style using the science behind the DISC Model of Human Behavior, reach out to me or Cindy directly to learn more.)