The Moral Stand and the Cost of Ostracism

From the time Cindy shared the issue those ladies brought to her, I was absolutely done with the individual they mentioned. There had been a plethora of other issues leading up to that, but this was indeed the final straw. The fellow I presented to for resolution blew it off completely and did everything in his power to discredit me and Cindy with anyone who would listen. There were, however, a very select few who had seen through his crap and backed us - one of which, at least temporarily, was his brother.

I’ll spare you the details that followed, but I will share that had I been six months to a year deeper into my human resources career and had a more comprehensive understanding of how to handle a sexual harassment claim, the year or so that followed would have played out much differently. The short version of how that year unfolded included many of the folks we had spent the majority of our time outside of our full time jobs with, much of that time away from our kids, being painted a picture of just how devious and undermining Cindy and I were. Many of those people, some of which we considered to be close friends, either kept us at arms length or severed their relationship with us completely. I remember one conversation where the guy I was supposed to be able to trust implicitly told me in no uncertain terms that we were no longer welcome anywhere in the entire organization. While he was successful in ostracizing us locally and with the people who willingly drank his Kool-Aid, I was quick to let him know he wasn’t nearly as influential as he thought he was.

While he did not have the power to remove us from the organization altogether, much of the damage was already done. We did what we could to work through it, but there was no measurable return on investment in the few years that followed - at least not financially. That said, think back to the idea all we’ve been working through has been based on, “Every adversity, every failure, every heartache carries with it the seed of an equal or greater benefit,” IF we find it and nurture it. I estimate that what unfolded in 2012 and our eventual decision to step away from that side business altogether in 2015 has likely cost us no less than $100,000 each year since (tied to that opportunity). Interestingly enough, there are plenty of ways to make money. Once it’s sacrificed, though, character is rarely regained. Standing for justice often means standing alone. The willingness to assume full responsibility for the consequences is leadership in its rawest form.

We’ve since recognized greater opportunities than we could have imagined from the seed of that adversity. We’ll look at that, and the difficult process of nurturing those seeds soon. Before that, I want you to identify one pattern or relationship needing a principle pivot. Then commit to one clear first step - and track it!