Mentoring Through Responsiveness

Earlier, we looked at the importance of mentoring through influence rather than attempting to mentor through control. We may be able to use control for a while, at least as long as the chain-of-command reporting relationship exists, and pretend we’re providing mentorship. But that ship will sail sooner than later if we haven’t invested the necessary energy to earn genuine influence. And if we’re not responsive, there’s little chance we’ll earn much.

Think back to what I shared from Dan Pink as we started this look at the art of responsiveness: “Email response time is the single best predictor of whether employees are satisfied with their boss.” If we can’t get our boss to reply to a simple email, how likely is it that we’ll feel valued enough to ever believe any guidance they offer would serve our best interests over their own? With that feeling in place, would ever truly see them as a mentor? Without investing in responsive relationships, mentorship rarely develops.

Think about the interactions you’ve had with people in positions of power or prestige. Which ones have been consistently responsive, regardless of what’s on their plate or when you contacted them? Which rarely respond at all? And of those, picture the faces of the ones whose names only pop up in your inbox when they need something from you? I occasionally say, “I won’t speak for you,” but I won’t be doing that here! In this case, I’ll speak for us both: if that person who can’t be bothered to reply and only reaches out to us when they have a direct (and usually self-serving) need offers us any input at all, that comes across as criticism - and likely not the constructive kind. Now consider those who reply right away, every single time, even if that’s just to acknowledge our outreach until they have time to respond in full. Even the toughest suggestion is received as alliance feedback when we know we’re valued.

Be honest, which of these would you accept mentorship from? Which would you pursue? For me, they’re one in the same. While a title carries authority, at least in some scenarios, responsiveness earns influence - and effective mentorship is built on that influence. I’ll refer to Terry and Chris once more, primarily because I’ve never reported to either. The responsiveness I’ve experienced from both, Terry for close to 30 years and Chris for more than 10, has shown me unequivocable value. When they offer guidance of any kind, it’s from a place of authentic mentorship. Those faces I pictured who only think of me when they have a specific need… Well, you fill in the blanks…

Now, let’s flip the script. Who contacts you, even on occasion, seeking guidance? Whether they report to you or not, how timely are you in responding? If you’re juggling the slightest bit of leadership responsibility, those requests rarely come at just the right time. I recently had a conversation with a business owner friend who juggles more, personally and professionally, than most people I know. As we talked, he detailed the time he invests routinely into mentoring youth considering his field. He said he hopes to be for them what he needed when he was their age.

The more plates we have to keep spinning, the harder it is to provide a timely response. That’s part of being a leader. We’ll look at handling that pressure calmly next. Before that, think about the people counting on you for mentorship. How can you offer each of them timely guidance? Or if you just can’t right then, how can you acknowledge their need and schedule time to provide the response they really need?