Integrating Humility into Structure

I’ve referenced humility multiple times throughout our look at leveraging leadership growth; that hasn’t been accidental. Without intentionally building a humble approach into each, we can’t reasonably expect to develop real strength through great professional relationships - if we can establish those relationships at all. With that in mind, should we have any expectation of creating a framework for relational leadership if we’re not completely devoted to integrating humility into the structure?

I’ve mentioned some folks who Cindy and I have met with over the last decade or so that had me nothing short of star-struck leading up to our time with them; Mark Cole, Carly Fiorina, and Dan Pink to name a few. Each had a worldwide presence in the space where our business operates. Having been influenced so heavily by them prior to those individual interactions, I had placed each on a bit of a pedestal. Thankfully, they were all quick to make it abundantly clear that I had no reason to be intimidated by their reputation. That humility allowed me to absorb so much more from them than I ever could have if there would have been even a hint of arrogance, in that moment and ever since. I can say the same for each of the mentors I’ve interacted with directly over the last three decades - I just mentioned Mark, Carly, and Dan for perspective here since they have so much more of a public persona.

I’ve been into rock music, specifically the 80s hair band genre, since I was a kid. I’ve seen dozens of bands live and I’ve met quite a few of my favorite musicians. Whether it’s been through brief interactions after shows or through the interviews I’ve helped host on my friend’s YouTube channel over the last several years, most have been every bit as approachable as Mark, Carly, and Dan. That said, there have been a few who were not. I remember one particular incident at a concert in the late 90s where the lead singer for a band I had loved since the mid 80s was a complete jackass to everyone in the audience from the time he took the stage. I’ve struggled to listen to his band’s music since. Through the interview process, we’ve experienced a few who were less than appreciative for our willingness to provide them with airtime on a channel with 16,000 subscribers. While none of those have said so directly, some have certainly given us the impression that we’re not deserving of their time. Reality check: 1988 is long gone, dude…

Whether you can relate to any of those examples directly or not, I hope I’ve painted a picture showing the difference between humility and arrogance in initiating or building effective relationships. While most of us don’t see ourselves as having the prominence (or ego’s) of those I just referenced, don’t underestimate how many of the folks who look to us for leadership may view us similarly to how I viewed the ones I’ve detailed here.

Today, many of the people Cindy and I meet for the first time have heard us speak, read something we’ve published, or seen something wonderfully crafted on social media. I’ve shared my background and quite a bunch of my shortcomings already so there’s no need to do it again. But with those always fresh in my mind, there can be a wide gap between what someone’s perception of me and how I view myself. The challenge often comes from being pulled in different directions, and how that impacts the message we send in that initial interaction. While we may indeed be stretched thin, it can easily tell that person who’s counting on us for leadership that we don’t value them.

Regardless of the complexity of our roles or the priorities we’re juggling, we must work to embed humility as a core element of everything we do. Humility is the heartbeat of relational leadership. Before we move to looking at the intentional investment we’ll each need to make into developing this framework, consider what you can do to add a humble element to your approach.