Definiteness of Decision and Self-Control Emerge

Making the pivotal decision to give up drinking completely was one thing, backing it with action required far effort and commitment. I can’t point to any specific leisure activities in the decade prior to that where I didn’t consume a tremendous amount of beer. That said, I never viewed it as a problem; I had no issue with it whatsoever. In fact, I knew I was damn good at it. As with changing any kind of habit, though, it’s never as simple as making the initial decision to change. There were so many activities with such close ties to that specific behavior that I knew I’d never be able to give it up without making several other changes to the things I was doing - and who I did those things with. And much of that involved limiting (and in some cases, eliminating completely) the time I spent at certain places with close friends.

Make no mistake, this had nothing to do with them being bad people. I’m still close with many of them today. I just recognized what I was and was not capable of. This was 100% my issue, not theirs.

In chapter four of Leading With A Clear Purpose, “The Power of a Definite Purpose,” I shared how honing in on a clear purpose that drove us supported so many of the difficult decisions Cindy and I have made throughout our careers. The definiteness of my decision to stop drinking completely, driven by what was at the time just a foggy picture of where I wanted to go moving forward, tapped into the self-control that I had started developing a couple years prior through the gym. And like the growth I saw through the consistent gym routine, each small victory in keeping my nose out of a bottle of beer helped build my confidence.

Just making that initial decision had little to do with definiteness though. Backing it and acting on smaller, daily decisions was how I replaced the habitual leisure drinking with different behaviors. And that was way harder! I recognized that I just couldn’t allow myself to be in situations similar to ones where I had previously jumped head first into as many beers as I could get my hands on. I chose to avoid any scenario where I knew there would be casual drinking. For me, one or two drinks to be social quickly led to twelve. On the occasions where someone broke out a six-pack when the work was done, I came up with any excuse I could think of to cut and run. For several years, I even avoided any type of off-hour scenarios with coworkers where there was the slightest chance that others would be drinking. While I was always careful with the reasons I gave for appearing disengaged or distant, this often created distance between me and the folks inviting me. That wasn’t my intent at all, but I knew I didn’t have the discipline (yet) to be in those situations and uphold my decision. Over time, though, my self-control grew stronger.

Burning my ships meant cutting ties to many of the activities that were so closely tied to the bad habits creating barriers between where I was and where I wanted to be. At the time, that often appeared as though I was severing relationship ties; I was not. I was very intentional in filling every minute I could with other activities that would move me closer to my goal while providing me with a legitimate (albeit often misunderstood) reason for declining invitations from the close friends or coworkers I had spent so much time with previously. 

That definiteness of decision, based on early stumbles, helped me get a handle on the “mastery of self” that Napoleon Hill emphasized in Think and Grow Rich as being essential for turning bad situations into profitable leadership traits. Eventually, even more self-control emerged - but it certainly wasn’t a big splash all at once. It was more of a quiet ripple, and we’ll look at how that began to unfold next. Until then, I’ll challenge you to take an inventory of your recent decisions and identify where you may have wavered. Identify just one way to strengthen your definiteness of decision moving forward.