Defending the Vulnerable Without a Title

Despite the tremendous concern and compassion I felt through so much of what we were attempting to work through with the team being paid (heavily) to care for Granny, I maintained all the self-control I could muster with hopes of displaying enough of a pleasing personality to earn at least adequate cooperation. That said, it didn’t work. The care was far from adequate - and even farther from actually compliant with the governmental regulations they should have been abiding by. 

Under normal circumstances, we would have had ways of ensuring that care was indeed adequate; visibility has a direct impact on accountability in so many ways. Looking back on March 2020 and the months that followed, I can’t think of anything that could be considered “normal circumstances.” When in-person visits were ruled out, we had two options: hope that Granny would receive the care she deserved (care that was being paid for) and schedule virtual visits with her as often as we possibly could.

Hope is never a strategy. And since we weren’t experiencing anything close to “adequate” even when we could be in the building on a daily basis, hoping for better when we couldn’t would have been just plain dumb. 

The virtual visit option brought its own challenges. First, think about what it would have been like early in the pandemic trying to have a FaceTime conversation with someone in the 70s who had only ever used a landline. Now, add 25 years to that age and throw in very poor hearing for good measure. Telephone conversations were tough, this was almost impossible. And that was the easy part. Remember the “we couldn’t hire any more staff if we wanted to” comment? The facility maintained bare-bones coverage to skate by the regulation, and that was before anyone on shift needed to be involved in facilitating a virtual meeting between a resident and a family member. I didn’t keep notes on it, but I think saying we were able to have one per week would be an exaggeration. 

Before I go on, let me be very clear about something: I’m being very intentional about withholding names. It’s not about that. My point with every example I’ve shared has been to give you a picture of scenarios I’ve experienced for the explicit purpose of thinking about similar situations you’ve been through so you can look for your seeds to equal or greater benefit. I clearly still have a sore ass about a few of mine, and I’ll bet you feel the exact same way about some of yours. If that’s not the case, hook me up with whatever you’re taking…

All that said, let’s get back to what followed. About a month into that mess, trying repeatedly to schedule time to see Granny virtually (which she never really understood), I saw the organization share a photo on social media boasting about how connected the residents were with their families. It showed a staff member assisting with a Zoom call, with, low and behold, Granny sitting by herself in the background. What a great opportunity that post provided for me to comment, saying that I’d been trying to schedule a call just like the one pictured with the lady in the background for more than a week but couldn’t get a response. While my outreach hadn’t elicited a response, that comment sure did! Someone replied, effectively dismissing me. I’ll spare you the details, but that didn’t go as well as they had hoped.

Here’s the message: Advocacy without formal authority tests cooperation and courage; assuming full responsibility for outcomes clarifies values and builds quiet moral strength. I wasn’t the primary point of contact; that was my mom. I had zero authority to give direction to anyone in that organization. And I didn’t have a prominent role in a big company that was in bed with that organization. But I was very willing to take a stand to advocate for someone who couldn’t do it for themselves. Defending the vulnerable without a title isn’t easy, and it often carries a cost - which will work through next - but not doing it was never an option. 

I realize your bad situations won’t be the same as mine. Some will be better and some will likely be much worse. Regardless, I’ll continue to challenge you to dig deep for every seed you can find in each one. Whatever emotion I just stirred in you with this, use it to identify a current pattern where someone vulnerable needs a stronger voice, in your personal or professional life. Then commit to one clear, values-based first step you can take. In complete transparency, the thing that’s helped me learn to do this, more than anything I can take credit for personally, has been association with and mentorship from many strong leaders who have helped me grow.