Relationships as Both Strain and Strength

Each adversity Cindy and I worked through from early 2020 through late 2021, professionally and personally, brought its own degree of strain. And so did every single one that followed. Looking back on those, the common thread the hardest ones shared was the relationship we had with the people involved. In late 2024, someone we had been extremely loyal to for more than a decade shared some news with us over a breakfast conversation and closed by saying, “It’s nothing personal, it’s just a business decision.” We’ll circle back to that soon because we pulled a powerful lesson from that. 

Before we get there, though, think about what has to exist for a situation to have a lasting impact - good or bad. We have to care about the people involved. Without some form of relationship in place, the same scenarios would be little more than a bump in the road. That’s certainly true for each one I’ve shared as I’ve challenged you to make the best of your bad situations. But this isn’t exclusive to the tough ones; it’s equally true for the experiences we cherish the most.

As I wrote Leveraging Leadership Growth; Strength Through Great Professional Relationships, a book that started out on the idea that I’ve never been very good at much on my own, I grew more and more thankful for the time and energy so many great people have invested in me over the course of my life. I also became incredibly convicted about the obligation I now carry to pass those lessons along to anyone I possibly can. Like the common thread in each of the toughest situations we experience, those mentoring experiences also resulted in deep relationships.

I often hear managers tell team members to check their personal problems at the door when they get to work. I’ve said that myself more times than I care to admit. The reality, though, is that bad situations rarely stay in one lane. Owning the ripple—without making the people closest to us pay for a fight they did not start—unlocks cooperative growth.

Not so long ago, a friend commented on what he saw as strong friendships Cindy and I had cultivated with so many of our clients and business associates. I thanked him first, then went on to say that I didn’t have a lot of interest in working routinely with people I couldn’t have that type of connection with. In fact, I tied all that back to the premise behind The Values Advantage: when our values align, everything else flows better.

Our victories and our adversities tie directly to the relationships we have with each individual involved. All those times where I suggested employees leave their problems at the time clock when they punched in was unrealistic at best, and bordered on just plain unreasonable. Relationships, even our best ones, are a constant source of strain and strength. While some of our toughest adversities often have direct ties to our closest relationships, that’s exactly what helps us push through. Knowing which one to continue sowing into and which ones to steer away from is crucial - and values-alignment can be a key factor in maintaining a relationship over time. We’ll dig into that more next. Right now, though, think about a recent strain that landed in one of your key relationships. What role did you have in that? And which of the leadership attributes we’ve covered to this point has the closest ties to what you learned from it?