The (Often) Untapped Power of Honest Feedback

As I wrapped up the final chapter in The Values Advantage, I detailed why Cindy and I rarely do anything resembling a check-the-box survey at the end of the large public events we host. While we work to set very clear expectations for attendees, we know we’ll only have limited interaction with many of them so there’s just not much chance the boxes getting checked align with what we were striving to achieve. Even the best reviews provide little value without specific context for the high marks, and I’ve never seen low ratings without detail serve anyone. That said, we’re very intentional about scheduling follow up conversations with multiple attendees after each event, all with varying perspectives, to ensure we can capture the (often) untapped power of honest feedback.

Much like improving any event we host, honest feedback plays a crucial role in every aspect of professional development, especially when that development involves even the slightest bit of leadership responsibility. Like it or not, there’s no such thing as a self-made leader - and that’s a big part of the role mentors play in closing the gap. In sharing how some of the initial feedback I received from Terry about how I could convey a message more effectively to a group often stung, I mentioned how most of us are naturally averse to “constructive criticism” - even when it’s based on the best of intentions. While it was usually tough to receive feedback on those group presentations, especially since I was so uncomfortable in those settings anyway, I developed a routine of going to Terry for feedback on just about anything I could through the few years that followed (and I still do whenever I can). Even though I could count on him to always share his honest opinion, I often caught myself explaining (read: justifying) why I had done something a certain way rather than accepting what he shared and working to improve. Looking back, I believe some of my attempts at justification were based on just wanting to make him proud. I deeply appreciated all he was doing for me and hoped he saw that I was taking full advantage of the guidance he was providing. That said, I know some of that justification was due to being resistant to “constructive criticism.”

In his book, Know What You’re FOR, Jeff Henderson credits Dr. Tim Irwin with the idea of “Alliance Feedback”, as opposed to the constructive criticism that can hurt even when it’s delivered with the purest of intentions. He quotes Dr. Irwin as saying, “I strongly believe that if we know deep down a person is for us, we can hear just about anything they convey to us. If we want to bring out the best in another person, we are more likely to do so if we can form an alliance intended to help the person.” Henderson summarizes the idea like this: “Alliance Feedback is where a manager aligns herself with the employee, helping them live out who they truly want to become.”

Although Terry was never my manager, he definitely aligned himself with me and has helped me live out who I wanted to become; then and still today. To start the process, I had to develop the confidence to ask for his input - the confidence to initiate that level of connection. And through all of it since, I’ve had to put a tremendous amount of energy into accepting his feedback without losing confidence in myself (and we’ll dig into that more soon). Unfortunately, we’ve all seen folks in various levels of leadership avoid feedback at all cost - and there are plenty of examples of how doing that has negatively impacted everyone around them. Why is that so often the case? And why should leaders be very intentional about soliciting honest feedback? We’ll pick up there next time!