Answering Lots of Questions

emotional intelligence human behavior self aware leader self awareness self awareness in leadership self leadership self leadership skills self leadership strategies strategies for self leadership Jan 21, 2022
Self Leadership Skills

This final primary behavioral style is one that’s near and dear to me! When everything’s clicking on all cylinders for me, I have an above average amount of this in my overall blend. But I’ve learned that it nearly disappears completely when I’m under a lot of stress. Learning that certainly explained why it always seemed to require so much more energy to make sure every single detail was correct when I had a ton of things coming at me at once, something I likely never would have developed a full understanding of had I not invested in completing a scientifically validated DISC assessment that provided me with a detailed look at my complete behavioral style blend and taken the time to learn how I could use that information!

All said, that’s only part of why this style hits so close to home. That biggest reason I’ve become so intune with it is that it’s Cindy’s primary style!

For years, our most intense discussions stemmed from me telling her about some big idea I had and charging straight toward the finish line. She ALWAYS had lots of questions about the process we’d need to follow to ensure accuracy and precision along the way, but that just annoyed me. I figured anything we didn’t get right the first time through would serve as a learning experience and we could fix it later. She was far too Conscientious for that to be acceptable so she’d continue asking questions. Can you remember how great I claim to be with patience? I DON’T!!! I saw her questions as a lack of trust or confidence in me being able to achieve the end result when she really only wanted to understand the next step along the way…

As we both learned about our style blends, and learned more about each other in the process, it gave us a whole new perspective on why we did some of the things we did  - and why we made each other so angry by doing some of those things that seemed so natural to us personally… 

Developing this level of self-awareness helped Cindy understand that asking the questions she considered to be basic Contemplation could come across to someone else as being Critical of their idea or ability. It also helped her understand that a straight focus on the task at hand could seem Cold and unconcerned about the other person. She’s been absolutely amazing at applying this insight in how she leads herself and it has a tremendous impact on how she connects with and leads others. 

As we learned about the style blends of one another, we were able to intentionally develop the third and fourth components of emotional intelligence; social awareness and relationship management. Once I understood that Cindy’s approach to a task, which is almost 180 degrees different from how I tackle an issue, had nothing to do with questioning me (usually) but was completely geared at getting the detail she needed so she could take her own next step, I felt far less threatened and was way less defensive in providing her with answers. And that’s been huge for our overall relationship - especially now that we work together every day!

Travis Bradberry defines social awareness as “your ability to accurately pick up on emotions in other people and understand what is really going on with them.” He then says that “relationship management gives you the skills you need to make the most out of every interaction you have with another person.” When we start building our foundation with the results from one of the reliable DISC assessments I’ve referenced several times to this point, then work with someone who can help us truly take those results and put them into practice in every area of our lives, we have a very tangible approach to increasing our overall emotional intelligence!

I think it’s nothing short of amazing that a tool so simple, when used properly, can help us develop self-awareness, improve our self-leadership, and increase the effectiveness of how we lead anyone else we interact with! And to think most people see it as just labeling someone a D, an I, an S, or a C… If that was you prior to now and you’d like to learn how to piece all this together based on your own individual style blend, I look forward to talking with you one on one soon!