The Growing Friction - When Loyalty Meets Misalignment

Cindy and I made some of the boldest leaps of our lives in 2016 and 2017, leaps that would have never happened without a complete willingness to accept full responsibility for our definite decisions. Even then, stepping away from both our full time jobs required every bit of unwavering courage we had developed to that point. Thankfully, we had been working consistently to earn influence and trust with the handful of clients we had developed to that point, and that consistency yielded the beginning of what Napoleon Hill listed as his eleventh (and final) leadership attribute in Think and Grow Rich: Cooperation. In defining that, he shared that “The successful leader must understand and apply the principle of cooperative effort and be able to induce the followers to do the same. Leadership calls for power, and power calls for cooperation.”

While I was doing that crazy amount of hiring in 2013 and 2014, I established a wonderful relationship with the folks working in our local Virginia Employment Commission office who were responsible for administering the Jobs for Veterans State Grant - a federal program geared at helping connect employers with veterans who were overcoming various barriers to employment. That was both effective and rewarding; I filled dozens of open positions and had a hand in helping some folks through otherwise tough circumstances. One of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever experienced professionally was just a few years ago when one of those veterans stopped me at a restaurant, thanking me for the opportunity I connected him with. He had just retired, after ten years in the role I hired him for, and shared that he would have never been able to if had he stayed on his previous path. In reality, I was one of many links in the chain - but praise God I could be involved!

The local event went better than we could have imagined. The other was decent overall, doing anything of that scale an hour away while still juggling a full time job was a tall order, but we ran into some tremendous roadblocks shortly after we purchased the initial license to host the event. Our relationship with Dr. Rob was (as still is) amazing, but one of the other driving factors in ever considering something like that - in addition to the one we had been doing for a few years and an hour away - was what seemed like a developing partnership. Even after bold leaps, though, bad situations can emerge as friction when institutional expectations clash against your core values, and in this case, the independence we were chasing through our new business. I’ll map that out in more detail next. Before that, I’ll challenge you to reflect on a time you began feeling misaligned with an organization or institution. Note your immediate emotions from that and one early sign you may have initially missed.

The Non-compete Trigger - The Dispute Ignites

As I closed Leveraging Leadership Growth, I stressed the importance of constantly working to grow and strengthen every professional relationship possible. When Cindy and I left our roles in large organizations, we both had extensive networks internally but found ourselves starting from scratch externally. When I started our business in June 2015, I knew developing my network would be the biggest hurdle. In August 2015, I saw an opportunity to host a local leadership development event that would help me establish that network while adding value to the same people I hoped to someday, somehow serve. With just 60 days to plan and execute that initial event, I was truly flying by the seat of my pants. While one could argue that I do that quite a bit still today, every idea I’ve moved on since has involved significantly more preparation than that initial event.

I held that on the first Friday in October; Cindy was still working a ton of hours in her very lucrative full time role and had just accepted a new role that would require even more of her time so it was all on me. The results were modest, at best, but I started planning for a 2016 event as I walked out the door that Friday afternoon. With just a touch of experience and an entire year to prepare, I was able to triple the attendance year over year. Since Cindy had just stepped into our business full time as we held the 2016 event, she played a crucial role that day but had limited involvement leading up to it. Going into 2017, though, she was all in! And attendance grew another 50% locally.

One thing we noticed early on, which has held true for every event we’ve hosted since, was that there’s no substitute for personal touch. After hosting events for more than a dozen years, I can almost fit the number of folks who attended due to random ad campaigns on two hands; thousands of people attending over the years with maybe a couple dozen that we didn’t touch directly in some way. While we didn’t recognize just how critical that personal touch was early on, we were beginning to see that it definitely played a role. That initial knowledge would have made hosting a separate event, just two weeks after our local one, a non-started without some very powerful reasons offsetting it.

I was invited to serve on a workforce development board in late 2016, which almost immediately led to a seat on that board’s executive committee. Through that role, I got to know a few folks who oversaw the workforce development arm of a continuing education institution a few counties north of us. They were aware of the event we were hosting in our area and suggested partnering on a similar one on their campus. We had a few business relationships around them but this partnership stood to offset our concern for being able to put people in a room for this type of event. Even then, we stood on the idea of “if it’s to be, it’s up to me” and put a tremendous amount of time, energy, and financial resources into building new relationships near where this event would be held.

Just a few days after paying the licensing fees for some of the material we’d be using for this event, we sat down with the folks at this institution to finalize the details of the partnership. We signed and paid for all the licensing on our end since the material was only accessible through our relationship with Maxwell Leadership; the institution didn’t have access to it otherwise. As we read through the contract for hosting the event on their campus, we noticed something in the fine print at the very end that was a show-stopper: it stated that anyone attending the event became the institution’s client and we were expressly prohibited from doing any business with them for the following twelve months - even if they were our existing client or attended because of our personal outreach. I called attention to this to make sure I understood it correctly, and to see if there was any wiggle room. I had, and there was not. The policy was hard and fast. Having already solidified event partnerships (we’ve never referred to them as sponsorships because we’re very intentional about providing our partners with measurable return on investment) with several organizations that were existing clients and being so close to stepping into our business full time, there was no way I could afford to forfeit these clients to someone else, especially when we had all the financial skin in the game at that point.

The non-compete language was the trigger that ignited a wildfire. We had already paid several thousand dollars for the licensing. That was nonrefundable so that toothpaste was out of the tube. Moving forward with the institution wasn’t an option so we immediately worked to secure another venue for the event. We knew filling seats on our own would be a tall order, but we jumped in with everything we had. Soon after, we learned that the institution was sending mailers far and wide stating that they were hosting a competing event using much of the same content - content that they did not have (and could not get) a license for. To top it all off, theirs was listed as being one day before ours and we had the privilege of paying for their mailers with our tax dollars.

Institutional battles test justice and courage; a single contractual flashpoint can force definiteness of decision rooted in values. Proportionately, we had far more on the line a few years prior when we were forced to take a stand against behavior that went completely against our values. Having that foundation for leaning into Hill’s attribute of A Keen Sense of Justice served us through this situation too. Yet again, we had to make definite decisions and execute definite plans - plans we didn’t expect we’d need to develop. Like so many of the adversities we faced before, this had ripple effects. We’ll work through those next. Now, though, I want you to think of a time a contract, a policy, or a system challenged your values. What blind spot in loyalty or comfort did it expose?

Reputational, Financial, and Relational Strain

I’m forever grateful for the opportunities I’ve had throughout my life in a capitalistic society. Healthy competition between companies in the private sector forces everyone to work tirelessly toward building their best possible product or service. When all things are even close to being equal, quality and delivery win every time. That said, I can’t point to a single example where I’ve experienced a government-funded entity, an actual public sector one or a privately held one that’s sucking from the public trough, that’s provided excellent results or even moderate service. When there’s no consequence for our action, there’s little reason to go so far as attempting to exceed expectations.

Believe it or not, this isn’t my normal political rant where I do everything in my power to step on the toes of both parties. In this case, it ties directly to the contract we refused to sign with that institution late in the summer or 2017. When we stepped away from that potential partnership - largely because we were carrying all the upfront investment and stood to lose access to anyone we business relationship we brought to the table - the individual calling their shots immediately attempted to find someone else who could secure a license so they had access to the same content.

I remember exactly where I stood when the person they approached walked up to me and shared a bull shit story suggesting he didn’t understand the scope of what they had requested or the skin Cindy and I already had in the game. He was with a friend and I was alone at the time. I replied by telling him that he was either far dumber than he looked or a liar, and Cindy walked up on the conversation just in time to hear it. To say he was tense through the remainder of the exchange would be an understatement. Good, bad, or indifferent, I meant every word of what I said. And to top it all off, he wasn’t eligible to purchase the necessary license anyway. 

Fast-forward a few weeks, likely late August or early September, I received a call from one of my friends who lived nearly an hour south of me, almost a two-hour drive from the institution we chose not to lock arms with. He worked for a state agency that had a few loose ties with the institution and had received a mailer detailing the event they were hosting one day before the one we had since finalized a new location for. The mailer was sent to his private residence and paid for with our tax dollars, sharing specifics of something they didn’t even have a license to provide. As I mentioned before, I’m all about free-market competition. I do, however, have a significant issue with the folks who are spending money pillaged from me as taxes in a blatant attempt to undermine private business. In some cases, things like this happen with no ill-intent; this was not one.

Despite that institution’s very intentional efforts to sabotage the event Cindy and I had invested heavily in, we were able to put on a solid show for a decent crowd. That said, they sowed enough confusion and uncertainty into the surrounding area to indeed limit the impact we had; that’s their seed sown, not mine. We had no choice but to push forward and look for every possible seed to equal or greater benefits along the way. Even then, though, systems conflicts amplify uncertainty; owning the ripples and pursuing principled cooperation unlocks stronger alliances.

In complete transparency, we’ve had nothing to do with that institution since. Still yet, I don’t wish them any harm - even if I have zero remaining respect for them. Through it all, we did build several strong relationships in that area which have compounded since. Justice always emerges (hence the idea of as you sow, so shall you reap). We’ll dig into that more next. First, though, I want you to take the time to write down the specifics of a past institutional conflict’s effect. Honestly note your contribution, whatever that may have been, and detail which leadership attribute it helped you grow stronger in.