Relationships Require Strategic Investments

Just in case you’re slow to catch on, like I am far too often, there’s no such thing as a self-made leader. The relationships we build, personally and professionally, are key to unlocking our potential. That said, we’ll need to be as intentional about maximizing the return on investment in relationships as we were in recognizing the untapped power of honest feedback - and maybe even more so! I previously referenced the time two of my mentors, Terry and Rod, invested into developing relationships with team members when they were new in their roles at the manufacturing facility we worked at. That time provided each of them with a measurable return, increasing the influence they would need as managers in that facility so they could achieve long term results. As important as it is for each of us to develop solid relationships with the teams we lead, it’s crucial that we work just as hard at building relationships that stretch us and help us to become more effective leaders. When we do that well, those will likely be the same trusted relationships that yield some of the best alliance feedback we ever receive…

To this point, I’ve mentioned Terry and Rod quite a bit because they were both very influential early in my career - and they’re both still willing to offer input any time I reach out to them today.  As amazing as they’ve both been, I’ve consistently worked to build strong alliances with leaders in other industries who have different experiences and different perspectives. That’s become increasingly important as our primary business focus has dialed in on increasing profitability by building better leaders and we’ve worked with companies in all sectors of the economy. Each relationship we’ve had the opportunity to build has turned into an asset that’s produced exponential returns, but that has always required intentional nurturing.

Before moving forward, let’s address a potential elephant in the room. I’m in no way suggesting that it’s ever acceptable to build a relationship for the sole purpose of what we can suck out of that interaction. While you and I could each rattle off a list of folks who have done exceedingly well financially by taking this approach, at least at face value, I’ve never seen those folks maintain positive results over the long haul. Galatians 6:7 tells us that “For whatever a man sows, he will reap in return.” If the relationships we create are based on a spirit of manipulation, we can expect the same in return. But when we build relationships with the goal of serving everyone involved, the exponential returns will be something we can be excited about…

Occasionally, though, our willingness to jump at the chance to help with connections reminds us that not everyone is interested in mutual benefit. I once heard a senior manager comment on how the consultant his business had engaged was great at stroking the owners, well, let’s call it his “ego” to keep this G-rated, with one hand while stealing his wallet with the other hand. Whether that kind of intent is recognized immediately or it takes months for it to come to light, trust is lost and any future return from that relationship is diminished - if not completely lost. With that in mind, let’s look at just how important trust is in maximizing return on investment in relationships.

Building Trust to Unlock Relational Return

In detailing the role of trust in candid conversations, I shared a quote from an article called “Good Leadership? It all starts with trust” saying, “Trust is one of the most vital forms of capital a leader has today.” Trust is crucial for our candid conversations, but it’s even more important in the strategic investments we make into relationships. As intentional as we were in the initial invitations to be part of our inaugural Executive Leadership Elite Think Tank group, and even with the strong relationships Cindy and I had with each of the participants, it took time for the trust we had earned with each of them to build with one another.

From the very beginning, each session with that group of executives and business owners has been focused on providing them with an atmosphere that supports a stronger leadership culture within their respective organizations. Cindy and I have always delivered material tailored to their specific responsibilities but we’ve worked just as hard to ensure there’s an environment for them to learn from one another. Initially, though, we saw more apprehension than transparency - especially in the segment where we split into small groups to discuss specific practices they had each implemented in their businesses. Meeting in person just once each quarter, it wasn’t until the third session that we saw the collective guard drop. Most of them were developing trust for one another. 

Even then, though, it wasn’t as simple as just having more time together. One of the stipulations we had in place with the group from day one was that there would only be one organization from any industry, with a goal of removing the concern of giving up trade secrets. That’s proven to be very important to each member and we’ve been very protective of that ever since. Cindy and I have also been intentional about connecting members outside of the group sessions. In many cases, that’s been just so they can get to know each other personally, but that’s also led to some powerful business alliances over time. As trust grew across the board, we saw a gradual increase in openness between members in the group sessions. While individual membership is only for a calendar year and we’ve always had direct conversations with each member about whether renewal provides them with their desired return on investment, nearly everyone has chosen to engage for multiple years - and several have been part of this exclusive group since it launched. Today, incoming members are welcomed by every member right away; they benefit from the collective trust that’s been established within the group over the years. If any participant would choose to violate this, I’m certain the responsiveness they receive from others would quickly reflect that - but we established clear expectations for that from the beginning, and detailed how we’d address it if it ever happens, so that hasn’t been an issue that’s required much attention.

Whether it’s in establishing new relationships with business associates in other industries, the team members we interact with daily, or with a potential mentor, trust is key to unlocking the relational return on investment. If we want to double our leadership ROI, trust is exactly where we need to start. With that in place, the candid conversations we’re able to have can deliver even more value - so now let’s look at how this took shape throughout our ELETT group.

Candid Conversations Drive Return on Investment

Since we looked at the role of trust in candid conversations earlier and we just worked through how trust is crucial for solidifying any relationship we care about, let’s tie the two together to ensure each candid conversation we’re engaged in has a shot at fueling growth in the relationship as well as our leadership effectiveness. As a kid, one of my favorite cartoons was GI Joe. At the end of each episode, a narrator summarized the lesson and closed by saying, “and knowing is half the battle.” 

Making strategic investments into every relationship will build trust over time, and that trust is indeed a foundation that must be in place for any candid conversation to have a shot of being received - turning in into “alliance feedback” instead of the dreaded “construction criticism” that none of us ever really like. Even then, though, two more things need to happen if we’re going to capture a measurable return on investment. We need to be disciplined enough to participate in those candid conversations, regardless of which end of the conversation we’re on, and we’ve got to be willing to take action on what we learn during the conversation. GI Joe was correct, “Knowing is half the battle.” But only half! And I’ve never heard of anyone winning a battle when they stop halfway through…

Whether it’s a peer group like our Executive Leadership Elite Think Tank or through individual relationships we’ve worked to cultivate, both parties should feel value and appreciation from the start. As trust builds over time, a solid foundation is developed for addressing issues we may never consider discussing with someone we haven’t built the same kind of relationship with. Not only can a tough conversation with even the best intentions ruffle feathers when that foundation isn’t in place, it can be emotionally draining - for both parties involved - and the juice may not be worth the squeeze when we’re not sure the other person is even interested in our perspective. 

I recently volunteered to talk with a business owner about an event he hosted that hadn’t gone the way he had hoped. Having hosted events for more than a decade that were at least as big, albeit with a very different purpose and crowd, and watching the process he followed leading up to and during his event, I hoped to offer some outside perspective that could help turn what looked like a loss on paper into a valuable learning opportunity that served him well moving forward. While I enjoyed the conversation and I believe he’s a great person, it only took me a few minutes to realize I wouldn’t be asking many questions or offering much input. That said, I haven’t known him very long and we haven’t had enough one-on-one interaction to earn the kind of trust necessary for him to receive - or even ask for - my constructive criticism. There definitely wasn’t a strong enough foundation for any input I offered to be seen as alliance feedback, so I chose to mostly listen and reinforce the ideas he shared on how he hoped to improve future events.

With that example in mind, think about similar experiences of your own; one where trust hadn’t quite been established and one with a tremendous amount of mutual trust. Where was the candid conversation most natural? If you were on the giving end, which person received your input the best (and actually acted on it)? If you were on the receiving end, who were you more receptive to getting feedback from - even if it wasn’t feedback you wanted to hear? I realize each of these questions are rhetorical, but hopefully they resonate with you. 

When we’ve made strategic (and intentional) investments into building trust in each of our relationships, the weight of having even the toughest conversations is a little bit lighter. The odds of action being taken increase dramatically. But even then, how the message is delivered matters. I can’t share something with Cindy the way I want to hear it and expect her to get what she needs; that won’t strengthen our relationship and it won’t drive return on investment. We’ll look at that in more detail soon by working through how emotional intelligence impacts our relational ROI. Before that though, we need to consider the investment we should each be making into getting and giving mentorship, then we’ll touch on how the collaboration we achieve through that mentorship can multiply our return on investment.